The holidays can be a time of joy, excitement, happiness, and feeling merry. They can also be a time of loneliness, unmet expectations, sadness, and frustration. This holiday season, commit to really accepting yourself and your family and intentionally choosing how to deal with this special time of year. 

2020 has had no shortages of heartbreak and grieving. The holidays add whole new mix of feelings.  If you’re thinking, “I thought I was the only one who gets stressed during the holidays,” think again. 61% of individuals report “feeling stressed often” or “sometimes” throughout the holidays. 47% of individuals shared they feel pressure around gifts, 62% of individuals stated they have concerns around finances, and 67% of individuals shared they worry about not having enough time. 

After much reflection on these shared experiences, I have come to realize it is not the holidays that induce these feelings, but rather the expectations that we place on ourselves and our lives during this time. Often, we imagine the holidays to be a lovely and warm time, surrounded by our happy and smiling family, eating perfectly cooked meals, and receiving the gift that we really wanted. Yet, when the holidays actually roll around, everyone is stressed, the turkey is overcooked, and you didn’t get that gift you were dreaming about. Let’s take a moment to reflect on these experiences, if we have had them, and plan to approach this holiday with some new tools. 

Here are some tips on how to survive this holiday season well: 

1. If a certain ritual is just too painful to partake in this year. accept your limits and honor that need. If you feel up to it, create a unique new ritual that honors your self-awareness and the present time. 

2. Manage your expectations of others. Remember, we can not change other people. Practice radical acceptance. If you have expectations, challenge yourself to make them about your personal knowledge and growth. 

3. Remember, you are not responsible for the reactions and feelings of family and friends. Focus on setting boundaries that are healthy and right for you, and give space to others to deal with things in their own way.  

4. Create moments of joy and gratitude whenever you are able. It’s not about having no negative moments, it’s about creating positive ones and intentionally choosing to practice gratitude for them. Helping to balance out the unpleasant moments. 

5. Remain open and flexible. 2020 has been hard enough. Let’s remember that your family holiday plans are changing, its okay to have feelings around these changes. Let’s practice compassion over conflict and not become judgmental or upset with one another if we disagree with choices being made. 

Let’s take the time to practice patience, compassion, and gratitude this holiday season. After all, I think we could all use some extra after the year we have had. 

As a Registered Associated Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT#107996) Kimia provides individual, couples, family, and group therapy. 

Kimia received my Masters from Pepperdine University’s Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage & Family Therapy. Prior to this she graduated from Chapman University with a BA in Business Administration & BS in Psychology.

For. more information, visit her website: https://kimiakabirtherapy.com/